ON MY OWN.
Posted on April 13, 2026 1 Comment
Some songs are just built for 4am. The other late night/early morning I was coming home on the train after working a late shift in the city. It was that eerie hour between night and day when everything looks bluish. Not really dark but not light either. There’s a quietness in the air that can be very calming or the exact opposite — completely creepy. Just as I passed by the neon-lit, damp streets of Chinatown, the following song started playing.
The music seemed to soundtrack every move around me. The usual bustling city streets were now empty. Trains shuffle by with no passengers inside. Low-traffic lights are blinking yellow. A lone, city newspaper van is out getting an early start. Bums hover around burning barrels. Bits of trash blow like tumbleweeds down sidewalks. Billowing steam arises from sewer grates. A man wearing a trenchcoat wanders out of a back alley.
If you’re someone like US Army captain and American ninja Frank Dux, this is the ultimate song for reflecting. That’s right, this classic track from 1988’s Bloodsport soundtrack is one I thought could never be touched. Believe me, I’m probably the last person to say that a cover is superior to the original. You can’t replicate the emotions in these songs especially when your memory is tied so strongly to the movie scene it was pulled from. However, there are exceptions.
The strange magic of 4am in the city must have really got to me when this song hit at just the right moment. Nightdriver’s cover of the the Stan Bush timeless ballad ‘On My Own – Alone’ breathes a whole new level of emotion with that soaring vocal and emphasis on the synths. It takes the original recipe and almost slows things down to dissect every slice of power.
MUTINY AFTER MIDNIGHT.
Posted on April 1, 2026 2 Comments
Before you mutter the two words ‘country music’ – add these 5 words to that train of thought; disco, rock, saxophone, boogie and basslines. Now relax, pour yourself a blood orange mezcal margarita and cue up Mutiny After Midnight – the new record from Johnny Blue Skies & the Dark Clouds.
I just want to get this out of the way. I don’t “know” country music nor do I have any interest in country music.
“Johnny Blue Skies” is the alias of musician Sturgill Simpson, a country artist who I was completely unaware of until I looked him up after seeing the album artwork and knowing that I need to hear whatever this was. Shiny disco balls and drippy blood seem to have that kind of effect.
After a little research, evidently the only way to hear the album was to buy the physical release on vinyl, CD or cassette! That’s right, NO STREAMING PLATFORMS. At this point my intrigue shot through the roof because in our current attention-deficit, streaming world of sometimes convenience over quality — this was a promising and refreshingly different thing to hear. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I for one could benefit from getting off the gluttony of devices and enjoy some newly released music by the intimate limitations of strictly my living room. So I ordered the record and it arrived yesterday. I’ve been playing it all week and am happy to report that it’s a fun ride.
Rather than doing a track-by-track album review — because getting off the computer and hearing it is all that people should do — Uncle T has a quick list of thoughts that came to mind when listening to Mutiny After Midnight.
#1 Wade Garrett!
I’ve come to a crossroads in life where I find myself wandering aimlessly and asking, What Would Wade Do? (WWWD). It’s during these pivotal moments that I summon the spirit of the best cooler in the business. The sandy mulleted, warrior of the wind who looks down on us from heaven while he guzzles Miller Genuine Drafts and shows his silver happy trail to the angels above. WADE GARRETT.
While listening to this album I can’t help but think that Wade Garrett would absolutely CHERISH these songs. This music feels like it was born for black jeans, cigarettes and traveling the dusty highway, looking for the next watering hole to beat up some “bad elements”. Even as a seasoned ‘vet, Wade Garrett could stay up drinking warm beers until sunrise with still enough energy to provide some horny small talk. Additionally the lyrics are textbook Wade. “You look as fine as a hundred ninety-nine tooth comb…Want you to keep me up until the cows come home.”
#2 Little River Band – The Night Owls!
The bygone era of country-tinged, ’70s rock that Johnny Blue Skies conjures up on this album reminds me of this absolute slab of gold from Little River Band. With all due respect to Johnny’s vocal performance in his songs, I sort of wish he dropped some of the country twang in place of a smoother, less buried approach. Just listen to the mystical crooning in “The Night Owls” and tell me it doesn’t make you want to shuffle your snakeskin boots across the nearest dancefloor while wearing a pair of blue pleated trousers.
#3 Wood-paneled Bars, Lounges and Bowling Alleys!
I was recently hanging out in a 1953 “candlepin” bowling alley which is still in operation and by the looks of it, hasn’t changed one iota since 1953. The wood paneled walls, ashtrays, creaky floors, carpeted steps, wooden ball return and NO electronic scoring (paper and pencil only)! The place defined the word charm. These places are sadly dying off but really need to be preserved. I believe this is was the same sort of magic Johnny Blue Skies and the Dark Clouds tapped into with this record. Lounges, cocktail bars and bowling alleys with dark interiors. Moody lighting. Avocado-green tables. Brass railings. A bowl of peanuts. Cash only. The jukebox still works. Leather booths so cozy that you could fall asleep/pass out in.
#4 Honky Tonk House Bands!
Lastly, if I didn’t know and had to guess who made this music, I would say it was one of those honky-tonk house bands from bar scenes in so many movies. Everyone knows what I’m talking about. The bearded singer with the aviators, the guitarist with a moustache bigger than Texas, the shirtless drummer sweating out beer and the black bassist wearing a purple bandana. The dancefloor in front of the stage is always full of smiling people getting down…to everything from boogie-rocking numbers to a tender tune for a slow dance. *Watch the video above!
UNSOLVED MYSTERIES: 1-900-740-DUCK.
Posted on March 18, 2026 1 Comment
The year is 1991. You’re up late and half-asleep, catching sleazy 1-900 commercials in between the 2 a.m. showing of Child’s Play 3. That half-comatose, hazy feeling in the middle of the night on the couch can be a strange time. Your mind drifts in and out while the low volume reverberates and the brightness of the television is the only light in the room. Suddenly in the middle of one steamy commercial after another, a duck wearing a trench-coat and sunglasses emerges alongside the sultry ladies for the hotline 1-900-740-DUCK. Now you’re wide awake. The next few hours are spent tossing and turning as you can’t shake the image of this killer pimp stuffed animal duck.
At least that’s what happened to Uncle T during that fateful night of March, 1991.
Some might argue that “DUCK” is just another word for the other letter of the alphabet that just happens to be the same number on your touchtone phone while dialing the 1-900 number.
Others might allege that these hotline vixens were just huge fans of the movie Howard the Duck, which would have come out five years prior to this commercial. The world will never forget when Lea Thompson’s character has an actual sex scene with an anthropomorphic duck.
As much as I respect those theories, I don’t buy any of it. Something about that 1-900 “DUCK” just rubs me the wrong way. Watch the commercial again and look into his eyes.
What do you disciples think? Is TNUC over-analyzing? Or are you too frightened by a smooth-talking, trench-coat wearing , fuzzy duck who arrives in the dead of the night while you’re half awake and should be nestled softly in bed…
SAX FOR LOVERS.
Posted on February 18, 2026 1 Comment
When it comes to levels of sensuality in music, everyone on the planet knows that no instrument comes remotely close to the saxophone. It’s not even up for debate and this will never change. It’s the undisputed, undefeated champion of throbbing instruments.
So instead of people trying to compete with guitar tricks and fancy synthesizers, they should take a knee and thank the higher powers for the saxophone. Nothing hits like a rip-roaring sax lead or solo within a song. Many align the sound of the instrument to a lion’s roar and others suggest the feeling of a euphoric-climactic moment with a loved one. This goes for all genres and walks of life as we don’t discriminate when it comes to the sax. Jazz, rock, blues, classical, funk, soul, promiscuous sax, unadulterated sax, late night sax, barely legal sax, unprotected sax….it all reigns supreme in the musical landscape.
When I came across the ‘Sax for Lovers’ collections in both cassette and CD format, I obviously purchased them both immediately with no questions asked. I mean, who wouldn’t? Look at that artwork. No…really look.
Now while we just proclaimed that all forms of sax are treated equally, that realistically isn’t the case. I wish I could say that 1994’s “Sax for Lovers” volumes 1 – 3 contained the type of late-night rhythms to enhance even a mundane car ride into the office, but I’m ashamed to report that it just doesn’t deliver. The songs presented here are a collection of saxophone “covers” of sleepy songs from The Bee Gee’s, Peabo Bryson, The Beatles, Albert Morris and others. Talk about a total snooze-fest and also a missed opportunity. Aside from the stunning artwork, “Sax for Lovers” is pretty limp.
What’s surprising is this exact recipe worked so well with The John Tesh Project’s series of three CDs “Sax By The Fire”, “Sax On The Beach” and “Sax All Night” released during the same era, between 1994 to 1997. If you’re looking to fire up the furnace for an erotic evening, stick to these.
That 6-foot-6, big blonde bastard really had a gift for pulling together the best sax performances out of musicians. These albums are all you need!
THE LOVE ROCK.
Posted on February 4, 2026 Leave a Comment
When people ask me where I’d like to settle down in my old age — when all the partying, debauchery, camp counseling, mud wrestling tournament judging, skydiving naked, car crashes and public indecency allegations start to slow down, the easy and obvious answer is the town of Mortville.
Known as the divorcee capital of the world, Mortville is a small but colorful community of horny maidens trying to make a decent living. For a guy like Ben Healy and his adopted, little redheaded, asshole child who was voted most popular orphan at the orphanage two years in a row, Mortville seemed like a perfect place to start over for a father and son. I mean, just look at the above photo of all the women in the neighborhood lined up to welcome Ben to town, with homemade casseroles and pies, acting like they haven’t seen a man in decades.
The Love Rock is Mortville’s crowning historical landmark. The imposing monument dates back to the earliest settlers of the town who stole the rock from the Natives, who at the time claimed the rock had magic powers. Make a wish at The Love Rock and it will come true…
I can’t think about The Love Rock without humming the words to the song which plays during the end credits in Problem Child 2. Of course we’re talking about Rik Emmett’s “Saved By Love”, which was also featured on Rik’s final studio album Absolutely in 1990. Rik is best known as the vocalist, guitarist and founding member of the Canadian band, Triumph.
In the words of Junior Healy, let us all recite back these lyrics in honor of The Love Rock while listening to the song:
Mighty Love Rock,
we come to you today to ask a big favor.
We got two parents and we want them
to fall in love and get married
so I don’t get stuck with that bitch LaWanda.
I hope this isn’t asking too much,
but you’re a magic rock
so you’re probably used to these things.
Please help us.
Since the song isn’t very easy to find via the motion picture soundtrack or Rik’s album, here’s a free download courtesy of Uncle T:
Rik Emmett – Saved By Love
RAD BASTARD ALERT: VINCENT BEAST.
Posted on January 21, 2026 2 Comments
It probably comes as no surprise that we think Vincent from the 1987 TV series Beauty and the Beast is one radical bastard. I mean…just look at the guy. This literal ‘night beast’ shares a lot of the same personality traits, characteristics and manimalistic charm as Uncle T. In fact, some scholars proclaim that Vincent and TNUC share a bloodline.
I remember even being a kid and thinking this guy was the coolest looking son of a bitch around. To me, instead of lusting over Linda Hamilton, Uncle Vinnie should’ve been fronting a heavy metal band and prowling the city. If he’s already “living after midnight” in the storyline of the show, then he should be “rocking till the dawn” in the New York City club scene.
Now insert the band WHITE LION. If I was a corrupt record label executive who signed this band I would have adamantly instructed lead singer Mike Tramp to put on some facial prosthetics and transform himself into a lion on stage. The band were successful on MTV with hits like “Wait” and “When the Children Cry” but can you imagine how bigger they would have been with a lion lead singer dressed in medieval garb?
Before watching a single minute of the Beauty and the Beast series, you could spend an eternity collecting Vincent artifacts and paraphernalia inside the internet underworld of the show. The fandom and obsession is something that until recently I had no idea was a thing, and it’s very intense on a slightly concerning level. “The Tunnel Community” (as they call themselves) have published fanzines, dolls, trinkets, merchandise, art, fiction and even to this day hold fan conventions around the world. These fantasy-adventure fanbases always attract the most interesting people from the basements of homes all over the world.
Some fan made merchandise:
Ah, the loin cloth. Yet another similarity between Vincent and Uncle T.
Of course, the deeper you dive into fan made items, the hornier the items get. Vinnie was especially popular with the ladies of the eighties as he is basically a romance novel cover come to life. From 1987 to 1990, for one hour each week, women could fantasize about what it would be like to share the sheets with this sensitive, noble man-beast. He’s like Fabio gracing the cover of every romance novel on the spinner rack at Walgreen’s mixed with David Coverdale of Whitesnake — only bigger, stronger and animalistic.
Move over centaurs because it was time for Vincent to shine.
Picture this for a moment. It’s 1989. “Diane” is ready to collapse after a long day of bagging lunches, getting the kids to school, drop offs at soccer practice, pick ups at the laundromat, vacuuming the house, cooking a casserole for the family and watching her husband pass out on the living room recliner in front of Fox News. Do you honestly believe this starved-for-affection, station-wagon driving housewife is going to pass up a hairy hunk of burning love climbing up the trellis, sneaking through the bedroom window and running her a candlelit bubble bath? I think not.
Now it’s time for TNUC to share with you my most coveted item of ALL TIME. The “Vincent Collector Mask” from the company Distortions Unlimited. Ever since I laid eyes on this mask I’ve wanted it. It has all the TNUC Manimal mascot qualities even if you had no idea it came from Beauty and the Beast.
I consider myself a part-time mask collector but I would stop collecting after finding this mask. It’s that precious and I can’t think of anything else I would possibly need. This mask would be worn to concerts, wedding parties, carnivals, roller rinks, the mall, pool parties and of course just rolling down the highway on my motorcycle with the blonde lion’s mane flapping in the wind.
It wouldn’t be right without acknowledging actor Ron Pearlman who played Vincent so exceedingly well with the neanderthal face that he was blessed with. With nothing but respect and admiration, only Ron could transform into such a believable beast and captivate audiences around the world. You’re the man, Ron!
Thank you for reading Uncle T’s ramblings about this rad-bastard-noble-savage that we hold in such high regard. Don’t forget – the shadows of the night belong to…VINCENT.
uncletnuc.com 