Friday, April 11, 2014


Let it be known that the promise of a better and brighter tomorrow begins with one man...Big Mike. As for today, we have the distinguished honor of premiering his debut music video for Wat sull dä Quatsch?, which in English translates to What's All the Fuss? The song is our first glimpse at the 5-track EP he'll be releasing soon and features beloved Italo disco pioneer Gianni La Bamba handling synth duties. This video is a very accurate depiction of a day in the life for Mike. If you've been a longtime apostle of Deutschland's #1 export, you already know how crucial his gospel is to mankind. For you newcomers, let me try and spell it out to you the best way I can. But bare with me, it's 5 a.m. as I write this passage and I've just reenacted everything that happens at the end of the video. Here goes nothing...

Take all your favorite wrestling legends and mash them up with a couple of heavy metal's finest chosen warriors. Now sprinkle that with your favorite, iconic, explosive, action gurus of yesterday. Then add a gallon of Pina Colada mix. Throw all of that into a giant protein shake blender and press MIX. The concoction is now complete. What stands before you is BIG MIKE. So come with him if you want to live! 

Big Mike on Facebook
Instagram @bigmikecolonia 

Meet n' Greet Opportunity:

**This just in: Big Mike will be joining Uncle TNUC next month in May for a 30-day California adventure which begins in Los Angeles. We'll be hitting all the essential points and breaks of the western shoreline and BBD'ing any inkling of a proper long-butt that comes in our direction. We're also conducting meet n' greets with fans which can be arranged by emailing! Unfortunately Gianni La Bamba won't be visiting L.A. because he's knee-deep in a restoration project of one of his old discos in Italy (see below)**

(for those of you who don't speak German, I urge you to head to the comment section of this post and read the lyrics to this song, as transcribed by Uncle T himself. Play the video again and follow along!)

Thursday, April 3, 2014


April's appointed deadbeat is a real humdinger. We actually almost had to interrupt in the middle of last month and pull a never-before emergency DOTM. Why the sudden urgency? We'll get to that shortly. First, watch this infamous clip from The Decline of Western Civilization Part II: The Metal Years, a classic documentary about the LA metal scene.

[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em', go here]

Former W.A.S.P. guitarist and self-proclaimed "happiest son of a bitch motherfucker that ever was" CHRIS HOLMES knows a thing or two about deadbeat life. Like many of us do this time of year, last month Chris partook in some "spring cleaning" of some prized possessions from his heavy metal glory days. Before jetting off to tour with a new band in Europe, he tapped a friend to put his 1987 Pontiac Firebird up for sale on Craigslist. Luckily for us, this precious family killwagon can be yours for the low asking price of $1,500...and it's in tiptop shape!

If the decaying exterior/interior and rape victim seating doesn't fill you with enough excitement, just wait until you read the full listing on Craigslist. Some highlights from that include:

"This car has never been registered in California and is doubtful that is will pass smog/emissions in its current state."

"It does start and can be driven, although I would not attempt to drive it any distance in its current condition."

Laugh it up, but this Firebird has been kicking dicks in the dirt for almost 30 years...and it's owner was the mean man himself CHRIS HOLMES. Can you even fucking imagine what ruthless partying went down in and adjacent to this heavy metal machinery? This face says it all...

Hop in kids. Time for soccer practice!

Not only did his friend take this touching photo of his final moments with the Firebird, but look what he did to the hood! Now you can forget about getting a paint job AND going to the car wash, ever.

For the record, crowning Chris Holmes as April's DOTM doesn't mean I don't cherish and appreciate what this modern day rock-neanderthal has brought to this world. There's nothing I'd rather do this weekend than pop a 'lude with this wild child and float around my pool shotgunning bottles of vodka, then fire up our motorbikes and take off into the Texas sunset.

Sunday, March 23, 2014


A constant heart-wrenching and crotch-tingling debate throughout society over the past 30 years has been who is truly the numero uno girl in Teen Wolf. In one corner there's the sexy but shallow Pamela Wells and in the other corner...the cute, girl-next-door Lisa 'Boof' Marconi. For Uncle T, the choice was clear.

Boof, hands down. Pamela might be fun for a roll in the hay, but Boof is the one who'll stick by your side when times are rough, play basketball with your dad after school and make out with you in a dark closet even if by chance you transform into a wolf or something.

Pamela will most likely end up cheating on you and probably has an STD that she picked up from Mick "16 going on 31" McAllister of rival high school basketball team The Dragons.

Boof also has a Phoebe Cates thing going on that I couldn't help but immediately respond to.

Here's Miles Goodman's slice of music taken from the scene when her and Scott are walking home from school. Grab the track for free below, or download the entire out-of-print soundtrack here.

Hopefully one of the great vinyl soundtrack revival companies like Waxwork, Mondo or Death Waltz picks up the music from Teen Wolf and releases it in a pleasant little package with some unreleased treats. It's an underappreciated soundtrack that deserves to be brought back to life.

Monday, March 17, 2014


To my dearly dedicated disciples, warriors of the wind and forgotten lords of the fog, Uncle T needs your support now more than ever before.

If you didn't already know, corporate pig exects recently smashed the spirit of TNUC by banning us from Soundcloud and ripping away basically all the cherished musical moments we've shared here for over 5 years. Seriously...all our mixes, the soundtrack rarities, unearthed gems, Mike Ballermann output, SPIROS magic and the Halloween mixes...gone, all gone. Uncle T fought kicking and screaming at Soundcloud's main headquarters this weekend, but after soulless drones swarmed his hot-red Yahama, he had no choice but to give up.

Without moaning, groaning or going into specifics as to why the page was banned, I can assure you that re-construction begun immediately. How long could one be expected to survive without listening to the Magic of SPIROS? Or spend a dark evening roaming the city streets without a crucial cut from the trenchcoat-noir archives? Try spending a summer without the blissful essence of a DEEP TAN mix. It would be detrimental to your lifestyle.

So here's the new Soundcloud page It's going to take a little time to get back to the way things were as I'll be uploading each essential selection one by one. Click the link, follow and please share!!! I need your help to grab the billions of fans that were lost.

Thursday, March 13, 2014


[NOTE: DEADBEAT-OF-THE-MONTH is an ongoing saga giving thanks and praise to a chosen deadbeat character each month. To see the rest of em', go here]

Our choice for March is without a doubt the deadliest deadbeat in our monthly feature thus far. Folks, it's time to sit back and rejoice in the life of Brooklyn's most intimidating crack addict of 1991, Richie Madano.

Rather than regurgitate the entire plot of Out for Justice, i'll stick to the cold hard facts. Richie came into this world (late eighties Brooklyn) the son of two sweet Italian immigrants. He was the brother to seedy Italian pool hall manager Vinnie and his local bed-hopper of a sister, Patti. According to local historian and cop Gino Felino, Richie was "always into bad stuff", even in his younger days. Once drugs came into play, his viciousness took to new levels. Killing innocent people, murdering cops, smoking crack and teasing the handicapped are just some of the fun & games that Richie brought to the ol' neighborhood during his rampage.

Richie: "What about you, Paulie? You got the fuckin' balls?"
Paulie: "Yea, yea I got the balls."
[tosses him a wad of cash]
Richie: "Good, now you've got the bread!"

After he kills a cop in broad daylight, Richie goes on a complete shitstorm, tearing through anyone and anything that comes in his path. Both the police and the mob have contracts out for his head. Knowing this only fuels Richie's rage, prompting him to commit more senseless violence and even take advantage of a shy prostitute-turned-video-store-clerk named Rica.

The madness continues as Richie and his henchmen decide to pay a visit to an old friend they call "Chas the Chair", a poor disabled guy in a wheelchair that runs a chop-shop.

After passing around the tequila for a few minutes, Richie's crack-infused paranoia kicks into full gear as he suspects Chas could be an informant for the police, so he shoots him dead in his chair. 

"No Richie please, God no blaahhdeeyyaaarr!!!"

I suppose Richie would eventually deserve to get his ass handed to him by a New York cop that makes a beret and sleeveless t-shirt look very menacing, which is exactly what happens in the final moments of Out for Justice. Detective Gino Felino party crashes Richie's girlfriend's house and takes out each of Richie's mamalukes one by one. Then using his black-belt aikido moves and every kitchen appliance available, he kills Richie by putting a corkscrew bottle opener through his head.

So what has TNUC learned from this late-great Deadbeat? Well, to this day if someone cuts me off while driving and I feel an urge to yell at them out my window, I first make sure it's not Richie in his IROC-Z! (see consequences below).

MEGA-BONUS: Majeure (1/2 of Zombi) put together this cover of David Michael Frank's 'One Night in Brooklyn' from the Out for Justice soundtrack. Being a big fan of Majeure and obviously the movie, when I found out this existed I pretty much exploded in my beanbag chair.